Each Memory
by Allycat42296
Summary: The day has come that Eli dreads the most. This day pushes him to his limits and causes him to crack.
1. Chapter 1

**PLZ READ**  
**Hey guys. Ok this story is a little Different from my last story. This story is going to be short. Maybe a couple of Chapters! Please Review guys. Bc If yall dont like this style I will just discontinue the story!**

**Love Ya!**

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**Eli's POV**

I layed on my back staring at the ceiling of my bedroom. I was dead to the world. I did not want to move, talk or even breathe. I looked to the left and saw a picture, a picture of Julia. I looked to my right, and saw the last present Julia ever gave me. It was our anniversary gift. Today was a day I could say that I dreaded. I would not say I hated the day. It was just a day that caused me intense pain.

I slowly sat up. I could feel the tears fill my eyes. I managed to make my way over to my calender. Each day that passed I would put a big black X. I picked up the pen and started to cross out todays date, but I couldn't, and the pen came crashing back down to the earth.

I stood there, staring at the date that read November 14. Tears started to beam down my cheeks. Today is the two year anniversary of Julia's death. It was also Julia and my three year anniversity. Memories started to enter my mind. Memories of the night that went wrong.

_I love you Eli. Julia said as she smiled at me._

_I love you more I replied_

_Happy Anniversiry my love julia told me_

I tried to shake out these painful memories. I was unsuccesful.

_Eli you are horrible I hate you! I hate you! Julia screamed at me_

_Fine, your a bitch, Get the hell out of my car I yelled back at her_

_Fuck you Eli! Julia hollared as she jumped out of Morty and stormed away on her bike._

I could no longer take the flash backs. They angered me. They made me wish I was dead instead of her. I thought maybe I should try to beat the memories out of my head. I started to slap my hard scull, each time the blows got harder.  
But the memories continued.

_Julia I'm sorry, Oh god Julia. I said as I watched her life slowly slip away._

_I am sorry to inform you, but your loved one has passed away said a local doctor._

I couldn't take the pain, and the regret. I got up and walked to one of my room walls. I started banging my head on my dark black walls. Each hit got me more worked up. I cracked and my fist came busting into the painted drywall.  
My knees gave out and I slide down the wall. The tears came flowing out harder than ever.

I looked around my room. I saw a huge hole from last year. I never took this day well. My eyes searched every inch of my room. I saw many things that increased my pain. I saw Julia's favorite book sitting on the shelf. Her coat that she had left at my house many, many months ago. I could see our winter formal picture from our Freshman year. She looked beatiful I continued to search my room, even though I knew I could not take it. Then, I saw the thing that I felt hurt me the most.

There was a picture of Clare and I from a couple nights ago. It was one Adam had taken. I picked up the picture and stared into it deeply. Then the anger started to return. I opened up a nearby drawer and threw the picture in.  
I could not look at the picture another second. It made me feel like I was cheating on Julia in some odd way.

I knew Julia was gone, I understood she was never coming back. But just for this one day, I was still Julia's, no matter who I was dating at the time.

I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I still didn't want to see anyone. I wasn't in the right mental state.

"Go away" I said from the other side of my room.

I guess the intruder didn't care what I wanted because the door came open anyway.

"Eli honey. I know that this day is hard for you, but you have to go to school" My mother told me.

"No, I am not going" I said avoiding eye contact with her.

My mom walked over to me and placed her arm around me and said "Honey, I know this is a hard day for you, but you have exams today." She got up and kissed me on the top of my head. Before leaving she added "Besides maybe seeing your friends might cheer you up"

I watched as the door shut behind my mom. I don't want to see my friends today, Better yet, I can't see them. who knows what I would end up saying to Clare and Adam. I was a unstable mess. I told myself that I would just have to avoid them as much as possibe.

I made my way over to my dresser. I got dressed in all black. Not a spec of color anywhere on my body. I made my way down the stairs. I was suprised I could even make it down them. I felt sluggish, exhausted and hated. As I opened the front door I looked over at my parents. They had conercerned looks on there faces.I ignored them and made my way to Morty.

I arrived at the school about 10 minutes later. I made my way to class avoiding eye contact with every soul at Degrassi.  
I had gotten to my first class without any disturbance. But the trouble began In the halls after that.

"Hey man!" I heard Adam yell from across the hall. He sounded happy, peppy, and full of Joy. Everything I hated today.

I continued to walk down the hall, trying to avoid him. It was unsuccessful. I heard fast pace footsteps closing in on me.

"Hey Eli" I heard Adam say before I felt I hand on my shoulder.

I turned around and gave him a blank face expression. I am guessing he saw the hurt, the hatered and the agony in my eyes because he quickly asked "Whats wrong?" I didn't feel like talking about it. I had already told Adam everything involing Julia. He knew what today was, at least he should have.

"Think about it" I said before turning away and making my way to my next class. All my teachers must have known somthing was wrong. Not one of them asked me a question, or even talking to me.

I had one more block left. One more hallway walk through. I thought I was going to make it when I saw Clare walking toward me. I thought of any possible way to escape her. I looked left and saw walls. At my right, more walls.

"Eli!" Clare said as she came up to hug me. I quickly rejected it. I saw the confusing and the hurt of my rejection on her face.

"Eli? Did I do somthing wrong?" She asked me.

"Why do you always fucking think you did somthing wrong?" I said before I blazed past her and to my final class.

I started to hate myself even more. I could not believe I said that to Clare. I knew I was unstable. I should have tried to avoid her more. This is my fault. I have made someone else miserable. It was about to all start again. I could not let it happen in class.

I jumped up out of my desk and walked out of class. I heard shout "Hey! where are you going?" But I didn't even bother answering. I walked straight out to Morty. I had to go somewhere before the day was over.

I drove for about 45 minutes unti I pulled up to a cemetery. I got out and examined my surrondings. The sign over the entance read:

_Middlebroke Town Cemetery._

I made my way into the very depressing land plot. I made my way up a hill where Julia was buried. I watched my feet and they moved over the green grass. When I looked up I saw a figure. It took my eyes some time to adjust.

Then the figure said "Hello Eli"

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**So what did yall think? REVIEW PLZ**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello Guys! I am glad yall are liking this one! Enjoy!**

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I started upwards. Gazing into the figure. I still could not make out who it was. I took a couple steps closer. Then it clicked, I knew exactly who it was. I felt my body fill with anger. I started to charge toward Josh.

"Why in the hell are you here" I screamed at him.

"I just thought I would come visit her" Josh said pointing at Julia's grave.

"You're the reason she is here" I yelled at him.

My hands started to tense up into tight fist. The last time I had ever seen Josh was the night of Julia's death. He showed up at the hospital after he had hit Julia with his car. I hated this guy. He took my true love, my world.

I started to pace back and forth as I tried to control my anger. The last time we had spoken, I ended up punching him right between the eyes. Which put me in jail for the night.

"Leave" I whispered

"What?" He asked as if he did not hear me.

"I said LEAVE" I screamed at him.

Josh looked down at the ground. I heard him take a deep breathe as if he was trying to gather some courage before he spoke to me.

"Look, I am sorry. I was a stupid 19 year old kid. I freaked out. I didn't know what to do. I now realize if I had been looking at the road instead of texting, she will still be alive. I don't blame you for hating me." He looked away as he tried to hold back some tears.

"I wake up everyday of my life filled with guilt." Josh started to tear up

I stopped him from talking any longer.

"Just leave please" I told him as I broke any contact between us.

I watched as Josh dug somthing out of his pocket and place it on Julia's grave. He gave me one last glance before he made his way back to his car. I walked over to Julia's grave and examined it. There was a old cross necklace spread over the grave.

I leaned over and picked it up. I stood there staring at it. It was pretty warn out looking. It had somthing engraved in the back of it.

_Julia_

Why was her named engraved in the back of this. All of a sudden I remembered the necklace. Julia had it on the night of her death. Why in the hell did this guy have it?I could not longer look at it. It would cause the flashbacks to return. I layed it back across the grave and sat down on the green grass. I stared at the grave and wondered if Julia was here. Just maybe, She was an angel watching over me.

"Hey Jul. It is me Eli" I said as I looked up into the cloudy sky

"How is heaven? Is it fun? I miss you. I miss you every second of everyday. I see your face everywhere I look. You were even a tree last week. Isn't that wierd?" I looked around trying to find a sign that maybe she was here, listening.  
but it was silent. I continued.

"I met a new girl. Her name is Clare. I am not going to lie to you Juls, I really like her. She reminds me alot of you.  
I swear she has your eyes, they are like clones of yours." I paused, but it was still silent.

"This day has been pretty hard for me.I bet you already knew that though. Juls? If you are here can you please give me a sign? It doesn't have to be anything big. I just need to know that you are listening." I sat, waiting.

Then out of no where a orange butterfly landed on my knee. I smiled at the sign of the beatiful creature. I looked back up at the sky.

"Thanks Julia. I am glad you are here with me. I really need you right now." I paused

"Jul, I have a question. It has been bugging me for awhile. I need to know that you are ok with me seeing Clare. If you are fine with it can you give me another sign? I really need to know this one."

I felt a slight breeze as it blew through the trees.

"You're the best Julia" I said as I stood up.I made a heart out of my hands and pointed it to the sky. "I love you"  
I brushed the grass of my butt and made my way back to Morty.

I had to go home. I need to process what just happened. Did I really just talk to Julia, for the first time in two years?

I practiced how I was going to tell my mom about what had just happened. I really hope I do not sound like I am a loonatic. As soon as I got into the driveway I parked Morty and jumped out.

"Hey Mom! Mom!" I said as I opened the front door.

"I'm in here Eli" I heard her shout from the kitchen.

I ran into the kitchen. I was actually excited to tell her about what had just happened.

"You will never bel-" My mother cut me off.

"Hold that thought" She said as she turned around and picked up a envelope and handed it to me.

"What is this?" I asked as I took the envelope from my mother.

She shuggered and walked out of the kitchen. I examined the envelope.

All it had was my address on it, Nothing else. No return address or anything. I slid my finger through the seal and ripped it open. I pulled out two slips of paper.

I was shocked by the contents of the letters.

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**How did yall like it? Pretty please review! I need at least 15 new reviews for me to release the next chapter! I know yall can make that happen! Review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey Guys I was having serious writers block for this story, and I think it is because I am excited for my other story "Murder in the Degrassi Halls" Check it out guys! Again I am sorry for this chapter haha. **

**PS. Julia's letter is supposed to be written this way, because I know That I dont use correct grammer in my Diary lol**

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What is this? I walked over to our living room couch and took a seat. I studied the pieces of paper. They were a very light color of pink, smelled like an apple tree, and were written very neatly.

I had to hold back many tears when It came to me, These were pages from Julia's Diary.

I took a deep breath, trying to gain courage to read the two pages. I already knew that if I read these, All my happiness from earlier would drain away.

I made myself start to read, because there has to be a reason these were mailed to me.

_Dear Diary,_

_Next week is our anniversary! Can you believe it! This seems unreal. I think he is "the one". I love this boy! Two years is just Wow!_  
_Even after two years I still get butterflies when I look into his emerald green eyes. Diary I just realized,Eli has been my first in many things._  
_He was my first kiss, my first love, and the boy I lost my virginity to. Haha! Wow. I am loving him more by the second._  
_I could not even imagine my life without him in it. I just love him so much! I love Eli. I love Eli.I love Eli. Just his name makes me smile :). Diary, I am about to have to go call this boy, because this is making me miss him!_

_Love,_  
_Julia Goldsworthy _

As I finished the letter I discoverd that there were warm tears streaming down my check. I brushed them away before they had a chance to fall. Why would someone send this to me? Just to cause me more pain?  
I put the letter back into the envelope, and just sat in silents.

I slowly got up and slugged up to my room. When I arrived to my destination, I walked over to Julia's favorite book.  
I opened it to the page where she had left off, and placed the letters inside.

I kissed the book and placed it back on the shelf.

I made my way over to my bed. I collasped on it and began to just think. Many things ran through my mind.

_What would it be like if Julia was still alive?_

_Would I even be attending Degrassi?_

_I would not even know Clare._

_Clare and I would have never shared the intense feelings that she gives me everyday._

I snapped out of my dark brain. Only to discover that I was angry. Did me imagining my life without Clare, over power the feeling of sadness for Julia?

I sat up and grabbed my phone off the nightstand and Dialed Clare number.

"Hey Clare, It is Eli. I really need to talk to you" I told her as soon as she answered.

"Um sure Eli, Meet me at the Dot?" She asked me.

"Yea" I said before ending the call.

I made my way downstairs. I saw my mother standing in the Kitchen.

"Mom, I am heading out." I said opening the front door.

"Wait Eli" She said walking toward me.

"Mom I have to go, Clare is waiting for me" I said trying to rush her along.

"Oh, Your going to see Clare? Ok, I just didn't want you out alone" My mother said.

"Ok bye" I said closing the door behind me and walked to Morty.

I drove to the Dot trying to think of something to say to Clare. I came up with nothing. I parked Morty and walked through the front door of the Dot. I looked around the crowded cafe in search for Clare. I saw someone waving at me from the corner of my eye. It was Clare.

I approached the tiny table she had saved for us.

"Hey Clare" I said as I took a seat in the high stool.

"Hey Eli" She said with a very cute smile.

"About tod-" I started to say but Clare cut me off.

"Eli, I know what today was...Adam told me" She said

"Ok, I should have known, The boy doesn't know how to keep things a secret" I responded

We sat in silents. I just didn't know what to say something, Then it came to me. Like my own burst of wind. Julia must have been there with us.

"Clare, I Love you. Alot..." I told her

She gave me a small smile and said "I love you too"

"And When this day rolls around next year, I promise I will give you all the space you need" She said grabbing my hand.

I looked out of the window and into the dark sky. Gave the heavens a slight smile and said,

"Next year, It won't be as hard, because I know she approves"

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**The END**

**This was a short story haha! Sorry guys, yes it was short, I told you. I was having writers block. Review anyways?**

**Oh and don't forget to Check out my other story Aka the reason I am cutting this story short!**


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